Someday I’d love to create a beautiful garden oasis in the backyard of my own home. The funny thing is, I don’t know much about gardening. I have never had a garden, nor did my parents have one in my home growing up. My dad did buy me a tomato plant once and I did my best to take care of it, but sadly it died after producing only a few tomatoes:( Often I hear those who garden talk about weeding—something that’s extremely important for the life of the garden, but a task that is not so fun for the gardener. If left unattended, weeds steal nutrients from plants, inhibiting them from reaching their full potential. I find that insecurities are much like weeds; they choke life out of us, killing our dreams and inhibiting us from becoming all that we are meant to be. These past couple months, I have been on a journey of rediscovering who I am. Let’s just say, I had to do some “weeding” in my own life. My insecurities had began to consume me. Now some might say, “that’s life, we all have insecurities.” And I would have to agree. Yes, we are all human and are susceptible to insecurity. However, there is a difference between having an insecurity and allowing your insecurity to have you. My insecurity had me!

Like those weeds, for the first time in my life I had allowed insecurity to choke confidence, self- worth, and vision out of me. Although I had many people telling me how beautiful and confident I was, I felt the exact opposite and when I'd share my struggle, most people responded in complete and utter shock that I would think of myself that way. No one expected it but personally I couldn't see past my insecurities and I viewed everything and everyone around me through them. I allowed seeds of rejection {from a man} and lack of opportunity {in my career} to cause me to believe that I wasn’t good enough and had nothing to offer. Once planted, those seeds sprouted into self-doubt and hopelessness.

Then one day I realized that I needed to confront my insecurities. I had to be honest with myself and the One that created me. I knew I would find healing at the feet of the cross. I had to confess to God that I thought that what He made wasn’t good enough. Then God began to show me that I was focusing too much on myself and not enough on Him. In order to be free, I had to develop tunnel vision with my eyes focused solely on Christ. I began to minimize things in my life. Things that I felt were feeding my insecurity, distracting me, causing more weeds to grow in the garden that God had begun to restore. This is because like weeds in a garden, insecurities compete for resources. Whether it was social media, friendships, relationships, make up, even shopping, the more I fed my flesh, my insecurities would attempt to steal any type of spiritual nourishment or repair God was trying to do in my heart. So I took the time to focus on God and I am grateful that I am now in a better place. {I said I wouldn't write this blog until I was} My eyes are less on myself and more on God and I am seeing myself through His lenses versus my own insecurities. Now I  can see that I am A beautiful intelligent confident competent woman with a future and purpose created by God to do His work and serve His people. A woman that’s beyond worthy. Not because of me, but because of Him. It feels good to be me again, an even better me. I encourage anyone who might be struggling with not just insecurity, but insecurity that is inhibiting you from living the best life that God has for you, I would suggest confronting those insecurities and then allow God to give you the right vision of yourself. Remember, you might have insecurities but don't let your insecurities have you!!!!

Love,

Kerri